I am changing gears here on the soapbox, just because we have all been watching NXT go down in a flaming glory of stupidity for a while now—no need to be redundant. For the sake of this rant I would like to attack some applications I both love and loath.
ATTENTION WRESTLERS……GET THE HELL OFF OF TWITTER AND FACEBOOK!
Now before you boo and hiss, let me explain why more and more each day I wish I was a Twitter or Facebook programmer who had leeway to delete every single wrestler’s social app. Originally, I was a big fan of social media for wrestlers. Initially this seem an excellent way for fans who might be too shy or lived too far away from where wrestling shows took place, to reach out and connect with the athletes they were watching on their TV. Also I was hoping for guys on the lower mid-card to use this opportunity to spark the interest of new fans, or show facets of their personality that maybe getting lost or got missed in a four-minute squash match on TV.
Alas………How sadly optimistically hopeful (and WRONG) I was.
Instead Twitter (and to a lesser degree Facebook), has become the platform on which all these bumps to the head and body wrestlers take become glaringly apparent. I follow various wrestlers, and I kid you not, reading my Twitter time line is a little like watching the Bellevue Psychiatric ward have a field trip in 140 characters. To break it down for those of us still intact with all our faculties, I will list my top ten pet peeves (aka GTFO Twitter You Suplex Drunk Ignoramus):
10. The Cult of The Never Ending Ego Stroke:
You have all seen it. . .some wrestler who has become television irrelevant takes to Twitter to stroke his ego on thousands of tweaked out markish fans who tweet “You’re the best””I love you””It’s my birthday”. . .etc. about hundred times a day. Not a big deal right—you hope said wrestler will just stop right there right? But that when the problems start: THEY DON’T stop! They name the slavish fans some stupid “club name” (and I mean, give them digital “positions” in an invisible organization that doesn’t exist except in the dried up career wrung corners of their mind). Said fans of this “Twitter” cult then sic themselves on other fans (or GET sicced on fans, by a wrestler/wrestling personality (cause yea even the commentators get to act stupid online now) who likely has nothing better to do than be entertained by all these fools digitally fighting over him, for him or about–with each other and with everyone else on Twitter not singing his praises like hymns).
Biggest Offenders: @YellowCrossdresser & @GrapeEaterV1 & @NotAWrestlerButACommentator
9. The Incessant Retweeter (aka I so lack any charisma, I can’t even tweet interestingly):
This wrestler is so very boring (or perhaps lazy), that they fill your time line with incessant retweets of how GREAT the fandom thinks they are (punctuated with plenty of really bad fan art work (and I say that as a lover of abstract art). When they are not doing that they retweet never ending quotes from thinkers greater than themselves so much you begin to wonder are you following a wrestler, or Ghandi. You will hardly ever even see this person tweet anything remotely interesting about their life. Well unless it is to attempt to sell you something……again.
Biggest Offenders: @DixieChickKO & @FormerWrestlingPromotionOwner
8. The play-by-play tweeter:
These wrestlers apparently take the Twitter question of “What’s happening?” LITERALLY. They fill your time line (like almost everyday) with a blow-by description of every single thing they are doing in a day. “I got up” “I trained here” “Now I am eating this” “Look at my new (insert some obnoxious toy they bought here)”. Etc. etc. etc. . . all damn day long. Twitter is a social app not an agenda or scheduler. In addition if you are gonna give us an endless event rundown, why not do it in a useful fashion. Like tweet how I can corner you for an autograph, personal candid pic and a hug without paying extra (or getting escorted away by security, or trampled by 100 other fans? Now that I would readily favorite and retweet). In addition, making such tweets “cute” by adding Twitpics, or a “theme” does not make the endless supply of them any less inappropriate. Every mundane activity you do does not have to be supplied. Soon one of them will start tweeting bowel movements. Oh wait. . . that’s been done. Never mind then.
Biggest Offenders: @VideoGameJap & @FrenchChocolateDiva
7. Fun Keystrokes:
This typeoftweetingisnotintheleastamusing. . .like SERIOUSLY what the hell is wrong with you? Is your space bar broken? Runningwordstogether does not make you seem in the least creative or unique. It makes you seem like the dirt sheet rumors are true. Frankly calling you lazy is being generous! Use the damn space bar! Thank you!
Biggest Offenders: @AllegedJunkieRiskTaker
6. Follow my posse tweeters:
We all know these wrestlers . . . These are the guys and gals who seem to know everyone on the planet (which makes me wonder—if you have so many “friends” and “close family” why the hell is your ass using Twitter? Because it is obviously not to talk to us fans, based on the ratio of no selling of tweets I see in some talents @s). The problem with these social butterflies, is for some reason they seem to want YOU the fan to know all the random people in their life as well. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE when wrestlers shout out other wrestlers (particularly if the wrestler who gets the shout out is someone who may not have a lot of followers for some reason, or needs to be verified (yea entire TNA roster I’m looking at you), but let’s put some limits on this people. . .Why the hell do you want me as a FAN following your mom, or your siblings—or that cousin who is six times removed? Or worse 30 of your closest BFFs? I do NOT know these people, nine times out of ten they do not follow back and WORSE they are boring as all hell. NOR ARE THEY EVEN WRESTLERS (hell half of them probably only know YOU on your company’s roster oh social one). Worse, what about the schizophrenic fans who want every detail of your personal life? Do you REALLY want fans like that with a direct line to your MOTHER & FATHER?! I should HOPE not. . .
Biggest Offenders: So many I lost track!
5. Intoxication Tweetiarrhea:
I thought we all learned this in high school and/or the first couple of years in college. If you are WASTED—do not pick up your cell phone!! Trust me. . .us the fandom, do plenty of laughing at the moronic antics of public figures, without you wrestlers giving us MORE fodder for our laughter by tweeting hours worth of liquor (and/or pill laced) rants of nonsense and all your many frustration with your craft. If you know you just can’t STFU on your social apps while trashed please get a designated “cell/laptop/ipad holder” (and preferably someone who is not also a tweaked out wrestler, or worse a wrestler with a sick sense of humor who will have the uncontrollable urge to Youtube your flushed face idiocy).
Biggest Offenders: @AllegedJunkieRiskTaker @GrapeEaterV1@PRAppleSpitter @TattooRudeBrand @SuperHeroRanter @FrenchChocolateDiva @DarkWidowDiva @RealWorldMediocrity @RantingBigDaddy AND MANY others! (Wrestlers seem to like getting wasted quite a bit!)
4. Attack of the Animal Lovers:
These are the wrestlers SO in love with their pets that the pet should probably have twitter. Why? Cause apparently with all of the things IN THE WORLD this wrestler could talk about they’d rather spend endless tweet characters on their furry babies. Foo-Foo and Buttercup cam whore via twitpic thanks to their owners, more than a porn star. They go to arenas, ride planes (in carriers so stupidly designed that the poor creature is probably plotting ways to get lost in the baggage claim). Said furry bestie also apparently has endless opinions on everything under the sun (too bad their owner doesn’t). . . And in general just seems to have more charisma than their owner! I’m sorry you animal lovers—but the fandom did not click the follow button to follow Buttercup and Foo-Foo. We don’t give a damn what they think about their new sweater or kibble. If you want them to have a joke twitter that we as fans have the option of following for fun fine, but don’t use YOUR account and then Tweet flood us with all the nonsense you do to them. Or you know what? Better yet? Have some kids!
Biggest Offenders: @PinkDungeonDiva
3. Awkward Kayfabing:
Angles……..Angles……..Angles. I love them, you love them—hell without them we likely wouldn’t have wrestling. But wrestlers . . . do you see the actors and actresses on Twitter tweeting in a character they’ve played? No! Aside from the fact it is awkward to be “on” all the time (let’s face it you’re gonna slip at least once—way more for those who still have not mastered the art of “kayfabe”), but it’s impractical as well. Gone are the days, were fans believe in the kayfabing. Now we’ll most definitely play along when you’re on TV or in the arena—but we damn sure not buying that foolishness online when one week you’re tweeting your rival Twitpics of when ya’ll got drunk off your asses after a house show (complete with drunken grins and bromantic arms across shoulders). But the following week, you’re tweeting in your “gimmick” voice how you’ve always hated said rival, and wouldn’t be caught dead in their presence (unless it was to take so-and-so’s title). Really? Was that your doppelganger then with that Hennessey swooshed smile? Perhaps it was your evil twin. . .Who doesn’t know you have a Twitpic account.
Biggest Offenders: Practically all the indy talents (which to me is kinda pointless cause if you don’t know their indy work, how would you even understand the angle?). The ladies of the #1 syndicated promotion, and several main eventers of the #2 syndicated promotion.
2. Not Twitter but Prozac:
Now this I sorta take issue with for EVERYONE on Facebook and Twitter. I get that social apps by their sheer nature are a hot bed of TMI . . . but Jesus Christ ya’ll these are NOT diaries or a therapist office. Most fans are fairly sure all our favorite wrestlers just might be nutty as fruit cakes—however we don’t exactly want you to prove us right! If you are going through a divorce, break-up, release, depression, you are frustrated with life or hell just having a really F-d Up day—do us all a favor. . . Don’t tweet! Don’t get online and tweet random crappy or creepiness about no named people you possibly want to beat senseless or tweet abstract emo messages in a bottle (especially when you KNOW all of the fandom will want to know what the hell happened—and you aren’t gonna elaborate anyway). Plus, those dirt sheets ya’ll hate so much? Yea. . .well newsflash THEY live for the dysfunctional tweets from you guys! How about you not give their lies merit m’kay?
Biggest Offenders: All of the wrestlers on the #2 syndicated wrestling show (and really who can blame the way that show is run). Any of the wrestlers on the #1 syndicated show who think “Big Boss” won’t see and demote them back to jobber land (or release them (which is far more likely). A large majority of former syndicated talent (boy are THEY bitter . . . a prescription for Prozac should come with releases as like a parting gift or something)!
1. Fans ARE GREATER than Foes Dum-Dum:
This will likely be a long one. This one (hands down) is my number one pet peeve. This is the one that makes me want to deactivate a HUGE majority of the wrestler Twitters (cause to some extent they ALL do this one). Now I don’t know why most wrestlers make Twitter accounts, I would like to believe they create them to connect to the fans they don’t get to meet and to communicate what they happen to be up to at the moment (cause let’s be honest most “fans” are like 45% nosy stalkers (don’t argue, you know it’s true—and the true “mark” fans are clocking in at least a 85% nosy stalker rating). We fans want to know what ya’ll are like outside of the ring to some extent (with some small exceptions: see numbers 2-10). Furthermore, many of us fans just want you to know we exist—its human nature. As a wrestler you know hundreds of thousands of us fans see you all over the world. But to YOU the wrestler—we’re just one massive fan blobdom, and not individuals at all. Twitter allows many of us to lift that curtain of indistinguish-ablity. You still won’t know us to pick us out of a police lineup but for a few minutes at least we can feel a giddy part of your world.
Now with that said. . .There is an annoying habit quite a few wrestlers seem to have.
We get that you can’t answer every fan question. We even get that some of the fandom asks repetitive questions (or just plain stupid ones (yea I said stupid, your Momma lied there is a such thing as a stupid question—frankly there is a such thing as a BRAIN DEAD question). But while you can’t address every fan clamoring for your attention, you know what you guys can do?
STOP ANSWERING RUDE DOUCHE BAGS!
Let me give you an example, two main eventers for the #1 syndicated wrestling promotion combined have 943446 followers. Will they be able to answer every fan birthday shout-out request? Absolutely not and no chance. Retweet every piece of fan art sent? Not even hardly. But what do both guys do on the fair regular that boogles my mind?
THEY ANSWER DOUCHE BAGS! TONS OF THEM!
These are “fans” (I hesitate to call them that, but really what are you gonna call someone who is following or list the aforementioned talent?). . .Who for whatever reason has so reached their very edge limit of frustration (could be all that stuff in numbers 2-10), that they run around antagonizing particular wrestlers in an attempt to goad them into responding. Now while I commend any wrestlers for stepping up to the plate and taking on the “haters”, let’s be logical about this:
Fact:
Twitter has a character limit of 140 characters (and no Twitlonger don’t always cut it)
Knowing that you have limited time and character space, why would you wastes anywhere between 5-30 (yes 30) tweets at a full 140 characters every time practically, to ARGUE with some random confused admirer on Twitter? Are you so bored of hearing from your REAL fans that buy your crap, and go to your shows and cheer and support you (yep FYI it’s the fandom dollars that keep you wrestlers employed)–that you need to amuse yourself with some lonely prick (whose Mommy and Daddy taught no manners (or how to spell in some cases), on Twitter?
What’s worse while you are ANSWERING said ding-dong you’re ignoring all the @s of fans who have likely been nice tweeting at you to get your attention since they joined Twitter. Do you realize how retarded in thought process that is? Do you guys get that fans are fickle and a large majority are easily distracted and offended. Honestly why should they as a fan continue to support you when you can’t take two secs to tweet them a hello but you can ten minutes to fill up their timeline with a back and forth volley of negative nonsense with another person who looks for all intents and purposes to hate you?
JUST STOP!
It’s so not worth it. Answer and cultivate the fans that care, not the losers who didn’t get enough hugs growing up.
And that wraps up my rant on wrestler Twitter faux pas. If you have some more I welcome your comments. I know there are FAR more out there.
