I just wanna know because WWE is pulling out all stops for WrestleMania XXVII like they gotta pay the rent (and said rent is months late, with an eviction notice in the mail). And I am not talking about REGULAR stops with killer matches or amazing feuds that have been developed over time (cause frankly WWE AND TNA need to start “future endeavor-ing” FAR MORE creative employees and FAR LESS talent). But anything that might REMOTELY stroke fandom they’ve pulled it out.
First there was the announcement of Justin Beiber singing the national anthem. That covers the teen girl demographic (hell that covers tween and teen girls who don’t even WATCH wrestling (tricky tricky Vinnie Mac). Then Shawn Michaels, Sunny and Drew Carey was added to the HOF class of 2011. Die hard WWE fandom cheered in relief at the addition of Michaels and Sunny.Not so much for Carey. Following directly on the heels of that was the reappearance of the “most electrifying man on television” The Rock. Anyone who has sat through the lousy no-promo worth a damn PG filled Linda senate run for last 2 years of RAW—Can tell you they WET themselves with delight to hear “candy ass” and “Yabba Dabba Do Bitch”. Last week, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (who was originally slated to be on the new WWE “reality” experience, Tough Enough), made it clear with LOTS of beer that he too will be applying stunners as necessary at Mania. Then for those of us who stopped giving a damn about the Diva division roughly around the same time the “Woman’s Championship” was retired, watched a worked out, Yoga-limbed, VERY tan Trish Stratus bring back the fun of what we’ve been missing with Snooki, who love her or hate her is the hottest little media thing since a nano Ipod.
Now with that said I have to respect the WWE’s hustle. They want mainstream attention and if it means the pimping of some of the more popular wrestlers of the past and a few internet media darlings so be it. However while I respect the “hustle” I am still mildly irritated by the amount of stuff, concepts, and people they have on payroll at the moment to accomplish ONE WrestleMania that isn’t even a milestone in any respect. Let’s start with The Rock shall we? Now it was really going well. . .back and forth Rock and Cena spit fest, a little internet heat on Twitter—and even some controversy with the Rock not appearing (so far). Though to the fans that keep complaining about The Rock appearing, will you guys cut it out! Stop acting like you’re five! Logistically The Rock can NOT hit that ring in all your states. Why? Well first of all the man IS still a working actor, and crap Disney movies or not—The WWE is no longer his main source of income NOR even the largest portion. So if you think he is gonna risk getting injured, or lose film days for Vince you’re delusional. In addition, The Rock is likely training TO get back in the ring (if that is what he plans to do). Wrestling is still a vigorous sport (even with a scripted outcome), and The Rock has had a few years out the game with stunt double stand-ins on his movie sets. So it seems logic dictates he brush up, especially with sloppy ring techs like Miz and Cena in there with him. But I digress……..
The Rock Vs Cena was golden, it freshened up Cena plus gave WWE fans a reason to tune in to WrestleMania (cause trust me no one is wetting their panties for Taker, Triple H and the damn streak YET AGAIN). But then WWE totally ruined the RIDE! Out of nowhere here comes The Rock last Monday addressing The Miz after weeks of ignoring him. Now I get it…..Miz (despite my personal views on him) is still WWE champ. But COME ON WWE, make up your mind! Is the Rock after the face of your company (Cena) or the WWE Champ? And why have Miz BE champ going into WrestleMania? WWE has half heartedly tried to push Miz to the moon. But let’s be honest, the kid is not likable (and yes a Heel can be likable just ask Randy Orton.). So with logic right out the window, Miz and The Rock are now in a feud too. The only upside I can see for this is Miz is getting some much needed moveset practice. However putting Miz up against The Rock on mic (for me) has been something of a disaster. Cena can barely keep up with Rock on the mic, and NOW WWE wants to put THE MIZ up against him on the mic? The Miz can barely keep up with himself on mic. Who in booking comes UP with these cuckoo bananas ideas?
On to the rest of the show……
Miz came out after The Rock’s promo and then makes an example of The Great Khali. Hope WWE never tries and make Khali a dominant force on the roster again, after letting Miz punk him with that lousy finisher! A backstage with Snooki and Vickie G. (who honestly gets better heat with “Excuse Me” than a large majority of the Heels on the Raw roster get in an ENTIRE match…….sad). Words exchanged, an awkward Playboy reference and we’ve set up the guest feud for the night.
Moving on…..
Sheamus Vs Daniel Bryan.–This match kinda made me mad. Logically title matches this close TO WrestleMania are to build WrestleMania interest, and Daniels LOSES the title?! Really?! Wouldn’t the more logical progression have been to build a feud to send BOTH Daniels and Sheamus to WrestleMania? Honestly, I felt like Bryan got the shaft here. This was so poorly thought out I just can’t even think on it. I’m not the only one I think who thought this was dumb, check the audience faces, with the tell tale “WTF?” looks.
Yea…..
Cole still hyping his feud with Lawler. Cole is a terrible commentator in my opinion, but his heel mic work again is better than a large portion of the RAW roster. Sadly I am talking about the guys who do get to talk! So Cole brings out Lawler’s real life son Brian “Grand Master Sexay” Christopher (who–poor guy came out to an almost ZERO crowd reaction (see this is what happens WWE when you bring on board fans who LOVE Justin Bieber and Snooki, don’t act all shocked when “Grand Master Sexay” goes over their head with a sha-SWING). You wanted mainstream Vince…. you got it. So Grand Master Sexay, who has had problems of his own outside of the ring (Google him), cuts a pretty gut hit promo on his dad and touched on a few things that were likely more than a little true to heart. Which brings me to another thing I’m not crazy about with the WWE of late, when they break the third wall and mix the kayfabe with the reality of talent. Keep these guys in character, and none of this “disgruntled family” stuff (especially if it might be true). So with that the madness continues in the form of good ole JR coming out to deal Cole a “beat down” for the apparent humiliation of opening the Lawler family wounds. I love JR but this too……to me seemed like too much, and poorly planned out (as evidenced by JR getting slightly injured due to Cole & Jack Swagger’s shenanigans (in reality, no kayfabe).
Back to wrestling…..mostly…
Orton Vs Mason Ryan–Can I just say I so don’t even care about this Nexus angle anymore? I mean honestly! Orton just keeps RKO-ing and punting people back to FCW, CM Punk keeps glaring, and none of these “minions” of Punk gets to do a damn thing impressive in the ring. At least Wade sics his guys on people like rabid dogs. Meanwhile Punks position of demented cult leader is boring me. Orton wins again I’ll let you guess with what……
Whoo Hoo Snooki Time……
Trish Stratus Vs Vickie G—Now while I love Snooki, this match here not only was mostly a waste, but kinda an insult. Imagine if you were a Diva like Gail Kim, Rosa Mendes, or even Alicia Fox—Women who hardly are ever in the ring now unless it’s a tag match and who got PUSHED aside for Vickie, LayCool (aren’t they on Smackdown?), and Trish (who TECHNICALLY is retired). And while I really like Trish, to make her a part of Snooki’s match (Yes Snooki’s going to WrestleMania kiddies, so get over it now) with Vickie plus LayCool and COMPLETELY ignore Melina as though she doesn’t exist is just beyond a slap in the face. What the hell happens to the rest of the Divas at Wrestlemania? Are they sitting it out?
Moving On…..
John Cena Vs Alberto Del Rio—Zzzzzzzzzzz…Oh wait what? Yes yes…..and Miz popped out dressed as the Rock. The only high point of Miz joining this farce, was me getting to laugh at how badly he executed signature Rock moves (don’t believe me…pause that “Rockbottom” and then play it on slow….I promise you’ll thank me). Miz went for dominant Heel champ by smacking up Cena (as if that has not been done before by better), but honestly I am still not buying what he is selling.
So that wraps up the “everybody in the pool” edition of RAW.
